The UX of Parenting
Parenting is a lot like assembling IKEA furniture without instructions. It appears easy enough, but you constantly find yourself putting parts together incorrectly or have no clue what to do. I have a preschooler and a 15-month-old, and I can confidently say that I learned a lot about myself in the short time they’ve been in my life. It has humbled me in several ways, from developing an extraordinary amount of patience to adapting how I communicate to help my kids understand and grow. Let me be clear: parenting is not easy, and I just got started. It will get more challenging and complicated as the years go on. I’ve read many books and articles and talked with several people for advice, and even with all that information, I am sometimes still at a complete loss.
I bring this topic up because I find a lot of overlap between parenting and UX design. The goal of a UX designer is to create intuitive, usable, and sometimes enjoyable experiences that help users do something. We design experiences based on what users need.
And sometimes, we have no idea what they need, whether it’s circumstance, a lack of data, or countless other reasons. The same applies to young children. Understanding what they need when communication ranges between limited and non-existent is challenging. But fear not: common practices in UX can also apply to parenting. And this isn’t treating children like users, or our users like children. It’s about embracing the empathic side of design to support and uplift others.
Listen beyond words
UX is about understanding user needs. However, what users explicitly say may not express what they need. There’s more to a person than their words, but also the actions they take and the environment they’re in. The same applies to children: they may not fully understand the words they use, or they resort to full-blown meltdowns (tears and runny nose included).
Observe what users do. Understand their environment, mindset, and what they’re trying to do to help them reach their goals. Sometimes, it’ll require some trial and error, but that’s what iteration is about. You learn, adapt, and try again. I’ve experienced enough existential dread in my life to figure out exactly what my kids need from me. Emotions get high, and I’ve had to take a deep breath to realize I’ll do enough things wrong to get it right, even if it takes months. Speaking of trial and error…
You’re going to get it wrong, and that’s okay
Life is all about learning. Sometimes, an idea, workflow, or design you’ve thought of doesn’t work well in practice. The feedback you get from your work allows you to continuously improve users’ experiences. What you iterate on can span from a little tweak to something entirely different. It is essential to recognize that it takes time to get things right and that patience will get you there. It’s hard to be patient when we want things to work the first time around, but there’s a lot to gain from learning.
It’s hard to describe how I thought I was patient until I became a parent. I’m constantly in a tug-of-war between annoyed and extremely confused to utterly lost. I’m annoyed when the countless approaches I’ve read about having my oldest listen fail exceptionally. I’m extremely confused when my youngest is flailing for food, but when presented with their favorite thing to eat, decides to yeet their milk bottle to the shadow realm and paint the floor with food. In all this chaos, I learned that trying one thing and staying consistent works. Or even though my kid’s hungry, maybe they’re not in the mood for their favorite thing, or they’re teething (which sucks, by the way). Embrace the chaos of being wrong, even if it’s nonsensical. There’s is something to learn from it just by trying and adapting.
Consider every action has a reaction
An optimal user experience is the happy path. The user quickly gets from point A to point B and it’s a job well done. But what happens when something goes wrong? What if an error occurs or something unexpected happens? Is the experience accessible to everyone regardless of ability or disability? I mentioned earlier that a UX designer’s goal includes creating “sometimes enjoyable” experiences. Not every experience is enjoyable, but we must support users through it. The user experience is greater than the sum of its parts. The error, edge, and unideal cases should be considered with the same level of care as the happy path.
You might browse my Instagram and think my kids are always happy by smiling brightly and enjoying the world around them. But the experiences you don’t see are just as meaningful. Every tantrum requires patience and understanding to help my oldest learn good habits. Every restless night requires attention and care to ensure my youngest sleeps comfortably, even if they sleeps on the edge of the crib and spits out their pacifier countless times. Every experience, good and bad, works towards a happy path.
In the end
A phrase that always stuck with me from a keynote I heard from Cameron Moll is “Done is better than perfect.” You can unpack a lot with that, especially if you enter the nebulous void of “what is the definition of done” (which I still haven’t figured out). Creating the perfect experience may never be possible, but being able to put something out in the world allows it to get better. People naturally want positive experiences, even if they are difficult to get right. But with time, patience, and thoughtfulness, you’re always a step closer to something better, no matter the level of impact. Take a moment to appreciate that.
In the infinite wisdom that comes from Bluey, there’s something you need to know. You’re doing great.